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Before, I wished there were signs on people's forehead that either said good choice or bad choice. I used to suck at choosing friends.
Now, I know a good person from a bad person.
Now that I know, I'm deleting 1 person from my friends list who I thought was my friend.
Before I decided to block and delete my ex-friend, I tested her by giving her one more chance. One of the reasons why I'm leaving her is because she's late most of the time when I pick her up from home. So I started by texting her by greeting her and then asked her if she wants to hang out some time and she said yes and asked for me to pick her up. When she did I replied ok but please don't be late. Then she replied "I have a bad reputation :P" Then I replied showing her that I'm angry about her being late "Because it's so hot outside and I don't like to wait" I don't remember what she replied by exactly but all I remember is that she didn't apologize. I was annoyed and thought, ok, maybe I was too harsh and thought if I apologized she'd feel sorry for what she did, about her being late. When I picked her up (she wasn't late) I told her her that I didn't mean to make it a big deal then she was like yeah and I don't know what and STILL didn't apologize for being late all the time! From there I was like ok, I've had enough of her taking advantage of me being nice! I started remembering the movie Me, myself, and Irene.
Then I started to be stiff but at the same time trying my best to act normal. Even after that, I suggested to go Cocoa Room for breakfast but she was like no my mom didn't like the food and I trust my opinion on food. I tried my best to push my opinion to going to Cocoa Room but she didn't want to and "suggested" to go to another place. Ta3awath min eblees (I said a prayer that would keep the devil away) and said to myself ok do whatever she wants now and then it's over because I don't want to end it with a pathetic fight over where to go. Just after I finished that thought, she accepted to going to the place I suggested, but I didn't because the vibe to going to that place is gone. When we got there we had debatable conversations about life in general which I didn't mind.
Before I dropped her off, I asked her a question out of the blue that's going to reconfirm the decision I made. The question was about if she preferred good looking children over bad looking children. As I expected, she said she would automatically go with the good looking. I know a lot of people would say that but I wanted to hear something like "But I'll try my best to like the other children" From there I realized how shallow she was and why I didn't realize that before. Then I started remembering what she said about one of my sweet guy cousins as soon as I told her that he's my cousin. All I remember her say is how ugly looking he was.
I think the main reason why I was her friend was because she was clever. She has a nice side of her that I'm not going to elaborate on but because she was a spoiled kid who wanted things her way when it came to entertainment, she lost people. She's the type that's very competitive, especially when it comes to who's the prettiest. That's why she didn't get along with a lot of girls. I had a hard time making the decision because she had been my friend for more than 2 years now. I researched on google on how to let go of friends and this is what I found and though was beneficial:
Five ways to unload a toxic friend
Contrary to the myth of best friends forever, many female friendships don't always turn out the way we hoped they would. The friend who is constantly making one-sided demands of you is one disappointing example.
When a close friend is always in need of one thing or another---money, favors, introductions, coddling, praise, or simply more time than you have to give---the relationship begins to grow weary. You feel like you're walking around with an emotional ball and chain around your ankle.
The term toxic friendship refers to a variety of relationships that are consistently negative and draining. The nature of these relationships is defined by patterns, not by one-time or occasional lapses in the reciprocity that is the essence of a healthy friendship.
Why would anyone put up with a friend like that? It, too, can be explained by the concept of reciprocity. Friendships continue when they are mutually satisfying---even if the relationship is toxic. Many women have a hard time extricating themselves from these relationships. These include:
• People who like to feel needed
• People who feel like they aren't worthy of healthier, more balanced relationships
• People who are stuck---either feeling angry or sorry for their needy friend
Get real: If your truly needy friend has been that way for some time, the real possibilities of changing the relationship verge on hopeless. Yet it's hard to find a way out. Here are some ways to unload:
1) Change the nature of your friendship by learning to say "no" and setting boundaries (e.g. "Even though we are both single, I don't want to spend every Friday night together" or "I can't have dinners with you after work because I need to get home to my family."')
2) Tell her that you have to tend to your own needs (or those of anyone else you can think of---your mother, your kid or your cat)
3) Slip away - Spend less time with her and add other less demanding friends to your inventory
4) Take a relationship sabbatical, a well-deserved hiatus from the friendship
5) If you've reached the point where you feel there is nothing really to lose, simply cut loose!
Get rid of the guilt. These are people whose needs can never be satiated. No matter what you give, what you do, how much, or how often, it will never be enough. Since character tends to endure, this person probably treats other people the same way she treats you. It's likely that many of her friends have probably already dropped out of the picture and that's why she is so dependent on you.
(source)
Toxic friends have the following characteristics together:
- Competitive
- Jealous
- Lonely
- Needy
Some people might view me as rude by not confronting my friend but I got to the point where I just need my comfort and I will be facing people like her in my life and that's where I have to be more honest and less indirect. I am a typical woman who expects the person in front of me to get me when I speak indirectly to them. Which is a trait I need to delete. There are times when being indirect is romantic or wanting to confuse the person you're talking to and make them think but in some cases you have to be direct. Especially to those who have been your friends for a long time.
An example of what I mean:
scene 1..
Friend: Look at her she looks like a pumpkin with that orange top.
Me: Laughed (I didn't want to, but I did)
scene 2..
Friend: He looks disgusting with that white top because it's so tight
Me: (silence)
scene 3..
Me: I ignore my friends when they start gossiping about random people on the street (you're one of them).
Friend: That's why you ignore me.
scene 4 (last time I was out with her)..
Friend: She's so dying for the attention
Me: (silence with a serious look on my face)
She did not stop. This is an example of what most people have in common. They enjoy making fun of random people in public. A part of me sometimes does that too, but I do try my very best to look away and ignore what people in public are wearing or doing. Although, when a person I know overdoes that, like all the time when you're out with them, I stop hanging out with them. It's just too mean and rude.
I should have told her that it was getting annoying. I can't bare listening to you saying that about people you or I don't know because to me that's just plain rude. If you want to continue being my friend than stop it please.
Maybe something like that but nicer.
"Friends are the family we pick for ourselves"
PICK THEM WISELY!
